GWAR Declares 2014 GWAR B-Q a Success!Thursday, 28th August 2014
The 5th Annual GWAR B-Q, held at Hadad’s Lake in Richmond, Virginia on August 16, has been labeled an unequivocal success. This comes from GWAR themselves as they lounge atop the bodies of the more than 5,000 GWAR B-Q attendees, imbibing from their secret stash of Killsner GWAR Beer (which sold out at the GWAR B-Q), chain-smoking the band’s own premium limited edition CiGWARs, and dipping their massive, stinky toes into tubs of ice-cold GWATER.
GWAR’s manager, Sleazy P. Martini, was overjoyed by the event’s turnout: “Every year I tell myself there’s no way these inbred zoo animals can pull off another GWAR B-Q, and there’s no way in hell even more Bohabs will show up and fork over their life savings just for the chance to be roasted on a spit. But every year they prove me wrong, and I get to wipe my ass with a new roll of $1000 bills. The GWAR B-Q is the biggest thing in the history of meat and music, and don’t you forget it scumbags!”
GWAR B-Q broke all previous records for attendance, death count, and casualties. Every band that performed kicked so much ass that GWAR actually let them live. The lineup would go toe-to-toe with any other festival performance anywhere on any day: Body Count, Misfits, The Meatmen, Hatebreed, Iron Reagan, Kepone, Noisem, Occultist, Loincloth, The Glorious Gone, Eat the Turnbuckle, Venomous Maximus. The GWAR B-Q also had the “Crypt of Chaos,” a GWAR-themed haunted house, drunk idiots out on the lake in giant hamster balls, a “Rolling Wheels of Death Skatepark,” tattoo artists, classy ladies doing synchronized swimming, and lots and lots of bloody, delicious meat slathered in GWAR B-Q Sauce.
But of course, the main event of this and every GWAR B-Q was the jaw-dropping, eyeball-popping exhibition by the creators of the human race, our lords and masters, the Scumdogs of the Universe, GWAR! Those in attendance witnessed a blistering set that featured Slymenstra Hymen spitting giant fireballs, the Sexecutioner duking it out with Gor Gor, and the introduction of the band’s new mouthpiece — an enigmatic, old-school Scumdog known only as Blóthar! Punk-rock loudmouth Jello Biafra was thrown into the meat grinder – despite his LONG but heartfelt eulogy at the previous day’s fan memorial for GWAR’s most faithful slave, Dave Brockie. Finally, a cathartic performance of the band’s classic, “The Road Behind” summoned forth an ocean of salty tears from the sea of flaming Bohabs in attendance. All this to say…
GWAR lives! See them live on the GWAR Eternal Tour this fall!